Category Archives: adoption education

Do Adoptees Have A High Pain Tolerance?

Adoptees and High Pain Tolerance

“Ouch!” I almost screamed, as the chiropractor began deep muscle massage.

Now, I’m not one to scream…even when delivering babies.

In fact, I take pride in my high pain tolerance.

I think I’m tough and can handle almost anything.

Well, not today on the chiropractor’s bench.

A month ago, I had a horrific fall on our slippery front porch. I landed with my legs split and my head in the bushes.

Since then, I’ve had X-rays of knee and hip, gone to a knee replacement guy to make sure I didn’t dislodge replacements, and iced my knee when I think of it.

The real reason I went to the chiropractor was to find out if it was still okay to box. That’s it.  I thought I had already conquered the worst of the fall injuries.

However, when the massage therapist began deep muscle massage on the tendon and MLC, that was when I almost screamed.

As I left the therapy session, I thought about something I once learned: “Those with a high pain tolerance are in a lot of pain.”

Really? It doesn’t mean we’re tough as nails?

No, unfortunately. It means we are in denial, big time.

Then, I thought about this principle in regard to adoption.

I bet many adoptees think they are tough. After all, we had to be to survive traumatic loss. But we tackled all the issues and gone to a gazillion therapists.

How can we walk through this journey with unbelievable pain that we aren’t even aware of?

We forget that adoption is a lifelong journey and that we may run into unexpected trauma along the way. A birth mother rejects us, we feel we don’t belong in our adoptive family, we have non-existent self-esteem and worth. Trauma continues.

However, to deny the pain as I have with my porch injury is not smart.

But, where can we go?

Are there chiropractors for adoption?

Of course not.

But, we do have one another. And, I still believe that an hour with a fellow adoptee is worth more than months of therapy.

So, let’s not allow ourselves to get to the screaming point.

Let’s tell one another where we’re hurting and allow ourselves to be nurtured deep in our adoptee muscles.

#14: CHOICE:  To choose to accept our limits and be nurtured.

 

 

 

 

My Set-Up for Reactive Attachment Disorder

Warm tears landed on my newborn body, like a spring rain.

I wanted to feel them forever.

To my once-orphaned delivery doctor, life was something to be celebrated, to shed happy tears over.

I couldn’t wait to feel his tears again.

What was it about those tears that soaked into my soul? Were they saturated with hope and comfort? Were they bright lights at the end of the traumatic tunnel of living my first nine months of life in the womb of a mother who fantasized abortion? Or, were they seeds, sown in secret, to produce a great harvest later in life?

Whatever it was, I wanted more.

Orphan Doctor held me up, gazed into my big brown eyes, and smiled.

But then Nurse Kratchit bent close to Orphan Doctor’s ear, whispering.

Orphan Doctor’s eyes pooled with tears.

What did she whisper?

Was there something wrong with me?

Was I ugly? Too little?

Is that why she suddenly whisked me off to a dimly-lit room where pleading and plaintiff cries hovered over me, like smog in LA?

Where was Orphan Doctor?

Where were those large, gentle hands that welcomed me to earth with orphan tears?

Why didn’t he come back?

Then, Nurse Kratchit shoved me into a box made of glass.

I kicked and screamed bloody murder, but the sounds of my cries bounced back at me, like ping pong balls.

No one hears.

And, so I give up and “go inside.” It’s safe in there.

Then, I hear Nurse Kratchit waslking near the glass box which was going to be my dwelling for ten days.

Proudly, she announces the name she’s chosen for me.

Baby X.

 

How To Get Past Kid Defenses When “Talking Adoption”

Dear Parents,
Sometimes your best-laid plans for talking adoption with your kids get sabotaged! Right? You’ve thought deeply about what to share/ask, determined the best time, and perhaps even rehearsed possible scenarios and outcomes.
The pre-planned time arrives and you ask, “How about talking about adoption for a few minutes?”
Many parents hear responses like these:
• “Nope.” Child then walks away or stares into space.
• “WHY do you keep asking me about adoption?” Adoptee exits room in a huff.
• “Adoption is NO BIG DEAL, mom!” Teen adoptee throws up hands.
• “I am happy that I was adopted. That’s all I need to know.” Adult or teen adoptee looks puzzled at your desire to talk more, like you’re a bit crazy?

This article is a letter from Sherrie to adoptive parents...from the NEW Forever Fingerprints

This article is a letter from Sherrie to adoptive parents…from the NEW Forever Fingerprints


Later, you may have a car full of kids and you’re making a left turn into the busiest intersection in the city. Above the chattering, you hear, “Why did my birth mother give me up for adoption?”
You take a deep breath as your heart races. If I could read your mind, you might be asking, “WHAT can I do?”
Allow me to give you some of the inside scoop about we adoptees. Many of us, myself included, can be downright tricky at times. We find it difficult to trust you or anybody, except ourselves. Basically, we are control freaks and just as traditional talk therapy with a clinician doesn’t reach us, neither do pre-planned adoption talks with parents.
So, what’s the answer for reaching defensive adoptees?
• Throw out pre-planned agendas for talking adoption.
• Learn to “think outside the box” about the timing. Be flexible!
• Identify real-life situations that can become springboards into deeper conversations with your child.
• Be patient with yourself. Developing this new set of skills takes time.
• Remember that your adopted child does want and need to talk but is scared.
Lucie, the main character of this book, along with her adoption -savvy parents, will show you how to talk adoption in a winsome way that will be welcomed by your child.
All best to you!
SherrieEldridge.com

La Historia de Moises

DSCN0016La madre de Moisés, Jochebed, siente sus primeros dolores de parto una tarde. Al llegar el atardecer nació un hermoso niño.
Era una experiencia dulce y amarga al mismo tiempo para ella, porque la muerte estaba asediando en su puerta.
El Faraón, el malvado rey de Egipto, desesperado para no dejar a los israelitas florecer y al final quitarle su trono, emitió un edicto. Ordeno a las parteras israelitas matar a todos los niños varones israelitas recién nacidos.
Sin embargo, las parteras por respeto y amor a Dios, hicieron lo contrario. Ellas dieron la bienvenida al mundo a los niños y los pusieron tiernamente en los pechos de sus madres.
Cuando el Faraón supo que las parteras estaban dejando vivir a los niños israelitas, se enfureció y ordeno que todos los bebes varones deberían ser ahogados en el Rió Nilo.
En el momento en que Jochebed empezó a amamantar al bebé su corazón empezó a latir fuertemente, porque ella escucho a los soldados egipcios pasar frente de su casa. ¿Qué debía hacer para que el bebe no llorara? Si los soldados lo escuchaban romperían la puerta y matarían al bebé inmediatamente.
Si solamente Amran estuviera en casa. El sabría que hacer. Pero él fue sometido a la esclavitud en el palacio de El Faraón trabajando como albañil. Que tristeza para él no estar presente en el nacimiento de su hijo.
Sabiendo que los soldados acechando afuera podían robar su bebe en cualquier momento, Jachebed rezó: Dios, por favor enséñame como voy a salvar la vida de mi bebe.” 1
Mientras que rezo, la idea vino a su mente de ponerlo adentro de una cesta protegido. “!SI!” ella dijo a Dios con sus brazos extendidos. “Esto es que voy hacer cuando llegue el momento.”
“Cuando ya no pudo seguir ocultándolo, preparó una cesta de papiro, sellándola con brea y alquitrán, colocó adentro al niño y fue a dejar la cesta entre los juncos que había a la orilla del Nilo” (3-4).
La hermana de Moisés, Miriam, quedó a cierta distancia para ver qué pasaría con él.
Al mismo tiempo, la hija de El Faraón, Hatshepsut fue al Rió Nilo para bañase y escuchó el llanto frenético de un bebe. “De pronto la hija del faraón vio la cesta entre los juncos, y ordenó a una de sus esclavas que fuera por ella. Cuando la hija del faraón abrió la cesta y vio allí adentro un niño que lloraba, le tuvo compasión” (v. 3-4).
1. La raíz de la palabra “llorar” (v. 6) es verter lágrimas, hacer duelo o sentimiento por alguna cosa, lamentar mucho y amargamente. ¿Porque piensas que Moisés estaba llorando?
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2. ¿Piensas que un bebe tan chico puede recordar algo? ¿Porque si o porque no?
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3. ¿Como piensas que Moisés se sintió dentro de la canasta?
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4. ¿Porqué piensas qué la hija de El Faraón sintió compasión por Moisés? ¿Crees que por eso lo adopto?
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5. ¿Cómo piensas que Jochebed se sintió cuando puso a su amado bebe en el Río Nilo infestado de cocodrilos?
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What Others Are Saying About Forever Fingerprints Book

Fingerprinting with newborn at Parker Hospital

Fingerprinting with newborn at Parker Hospital

How fun, as we anticipate the shiny new books coming from the printer, to receive endorsements from wonderful people. Since I’m doing radio with Rebecca Swan Vahle today on Family to Family, I thought you might enjoy what she says about Forever Fingerprints:

Mom holds newborn as they print her fingerprints in the book

Forever Fingerprints is my all-time favorite adoption book! It not only gives adoptive families a concrete way to talk to their kids about adoption, it also helps the child acknowledge and understand their forever connection to their birth parents. As an Adoption Liaison in the Parker Hospital BirthPlace, every adoption placement is honored with the use of the Forever Fingerprints book. Fingerprints in the front cover from both Mother and Child – and sometimes from Dad, mark the precious connection between these people that should be embraced and honored.

Pre-Order Now!

Pre-Order Now!

Rebecca Vahle, Founder and Adoption Liaison
Family to Family Adoption Support Program
Parker Adventist Hospital
Parker, CO

Pre-Order Here: goo.gl/CddHXQ

This Savvy Adoptive Mama Isn’t Shakin’ In Her Boots!

See this little chickie?

Isn’t she the cutest thing ever?

She’s happy as can be because her mama knows what kinds of feelings and thoughts are floating around in that precious little mind. Her mama is savvy because she’s read every adoption book she can get her hands on.

She knows the right time and place for conversations and looks for real-life situations to teach her daughter adoption truths about her sweet little self.

Mama comes back, she always comes back, she never will forget me.

Mama comes back, she always comes back, she never will forget me.

You Can Be Comfortable “Talking Adoption” With Your Children

Many adoptive parents gulp when thinking about how to tell their children about their birth and adoption. It doesn’t matter if your adoption is domestic, infant, foster/adopt, international, bi-racial, bi-cultural, all parents get butterflies about some aspects of the child’s history.

Lucie’s parents will pave the way for you in talking adoption with your children.


When and how do we tell?
Should I share the painful parts?
What are some tips to help me share?

The First Thing to Remember

Start talking adoption on day one! No matter what the age of your child, “We are so lucky to get to adopt you. We will never leave you and love you, love you forever.”

These and many other questions are answered in story form in Forever Fingerprints…An Amazing Discovery for Adopted Children (release date October 21, 2014).

You can pre-order here at a discounted price! http://goo.gl/QrL5vK

Here is a DVD that may help you also: Talking Adoption With Your Kidshttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWqJGiLKQbY

SherrieEldridge.com